Yoshi Vance.

I hate that I am even writing this post. I'm sad, confused, heartbroken and still in a bit of shock. But, this post is needed. Not just for me to process my feelings but to give a place to remember a part of our family, a part of our heart.

Our dog Yoshi suddenly, unexpectedly and tragically died last Sunday. He was only 7 years old and was the best dog for our family. 

There might be those people who don't think it's much of a big deal but for our family, this has been incredibly hard. You always picture having an old, gray dog who has slowed down and lived a good, long life showing you signs that his time his nearing the end. Then, you would have to decide when the "right" time would be. We didn't have that. Maybe that's a good thing. He didn't suffer. We didn't have to talk and talk and talk. But this still just sucks. It sucks I didn't get to say goodbye. It sucks the last time I talked to him was to send him outside. It sucks we didn't get to give him a long last walk or special meal or big deep belly rub. It just sucks.

Unfortunately we don't have any answers as to what exactly happened or why Yoshi died. We had family come over for lunch and he was his normal, happy, playful self. So much so that I sent him outside so he would stop bugging everyone, as he LOVED to do! Ha! Less than 5 minutes later my Dad noticed him not moving or breathing. He called me over and without knowing what was going on I just assumed he was vomiting after chewing up another one of Lucy's shoes (poor girl...it was always her shoes!). Instead I found a lifeless little Yoshi. Matt and I rushed out of the house with our hearts beating out of our chest. We frantically drove to the vet while I attempted CPR in the car. It's funny but my training all came back to me and although doing it on a dog in the passenger seat of a car was clearly not proper technique, it didn't really matter in the moment. The vet techs met us in the lobby, quickly took him to a back room and we just sobbed. The vet came in a minute later and told us he was gone. I think we both already knew it but hearing those words were so painful. We got to spend about 15 minutes with him, talking to him, petting him and saying goodbye. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do. We asked to have him cremated and then got in the car, both still in complete shock as to what had just unfolded in the past 45 minutes. Literally a happy, playful pup full of life to a lost member of our family gone way too soon. My heart still hurts so much as I write this.

But, I'm not going to focus on that. I want this to, instead, be a place of remembering how great this dog really was. We got him when he was just 4 weeks old, completely clueless and naive but so giddy with excitement. We had been married less than a year, just bought our first home and couldn't wait to get a dog. We both knew we wanted a golden retriever and already knew his name would be Yoshi (thank you Super Mario Bros). It was supposed to be a surprise birthday present to me but after a small world type situation occurred with both of us talking to the breeder on the same day without knowing it we went and picked him up a week before my birthday. 

Yoshi was always a cuddly dog. Even at 50lbs he was convinced he was a lap dog. And if you were sitting on the ground he would come right up and sit in your lap without a care in the world. He loved to lick feet, especially the kids. He had super crooked teeth after his baby teeth fell out and when he'd smile his upper lip would get stuck in a tooth and he looked just like Elvis. He was scared of loud noises but would never bark at sirens or fireworks. He loved sitting in the car but refused to ever put his head out the window. He chewed up everything. Our house was always picked up because we knew (and had taught the kids) that if we left something out, anything at all, Yoshi was bound to chew it up. He loved attention from anyone who'd give it. He loved to sleep in the sunshine on a hot summer day. But then he'd come inside and find the coolest tile floor to cool down on. He loved to run after tennis balls but never really learned how to bring them back (so much for that retriever in him, huh?). He was a protector. He always knew when Matt was out of town and instead of sleeping on his cozy bed, he'd instead sleep right next to the door, like a mean old guard dog who really wouldn't hurt a fly. He loved cleaning up the floor when the kids started eating solid foods. He was the best crumb picker upper. He always knew where to lay on the kitchen floor to be completely in the way but no one really had the heart to make him move. He put up with so much. Kids crying, yelling, chasing, pulling.....he'd either lay there and try to ignore it or just go to the door and ask to go outside. He loved walks but wasn't so great on a leash. He failed puppy school. Twice. And he was always there. Through it all. Through the beginning of our marriage to having kids, moving and many adventures. He was always there. 

I couldn't have asked for a better dog for our kids. He would guard them as newborns, watch over them as toddlers and chase them as big kids running around the yard. He was so patient with them and with us. When we brought Simon home just 2 hours after he was born he slowly got up to sniff him and went straight to his bed, almost saying, "oh geez, another one, really?" But then he wanted to lay right next to me to keep a close eye on him the very next day.

He had so many little health issues but was such a trooper. He had double hip dysplasia and arthritis which meant he'd be slow to get up at times or walk with a limp. But he just kept on going. I loved my morning routine of coming downstairs first, while everyone else was still asleep. I'd get him his 4 vitamins on a treat with a big dollop of peanut butter, fill his food and water bowl, start the coffee and give him a long pet. He'd stretch out on the floor and enjoy my company. And as soon as he'd hear the kids wake up he'd ask to go outside for some peace and quiet! 

We miss Yoshi so much and it just feels so weird that he's not here. Nights after the kids go to bed Matt and I still find ourselves looking out on the back deck assuming to see him laying by the door. Or moving our eyes to the corner of the room to see his dog bed. Or finding clumps of hair everywhere  around the house (so.much.hair.). And then we realize he's gone. 

It's been a good lesson to talk to the kids about death. About heaven. About spending time with those you love because life is short and precious. And about remembering him. Remembering the fun times and the super annoying times that suddenly don't seem that annoying anymore.

Yoshi - thank you for putting up with us, loving us, teaching and growing with us and being our first child. You'll always and forever hold a special place in our heart.